in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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