Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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