she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
