where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
