My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i believe in u and ur pee
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
