my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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