paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
