Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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