I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
