i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
