He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
