I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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