I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
