She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
