why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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