im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want nice things and good sex
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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