i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
