she was so not down for the gang bang
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
