her vagine was all disorganized.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
