I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
