If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
