hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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