Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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