Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
