no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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