You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
