In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
