I just saw a hot homeless man
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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