If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
