My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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