Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
