Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
