If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
