I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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