You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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