the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
