Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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