i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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