just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
