Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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