I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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