I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
