i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
