he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
