areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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