i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
