i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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