Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
