i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
