Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
