mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
