when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They have beer where we have blood.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
