omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
