Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
