paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
