Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
